back to reality

Christmastime in Chicago is beautiful! Did a lotta shopping, saw gorgeous things, visited friends, and ate ridiculously well. If you have not yet been to Chicago in the past year... definitely visit McDonald's on your next trip. I'm serious. The new McDonald's in Chicago puts the adjacent Hard Rock and Rainforest Cafe's to shame. But the Italian Village on Monroe St. must have been one of the best dining experiences I've had in awhile. Perfect atmosphere and delicious Italian eats!

oops

last nite, i read the entire book that i had to read for today's exam--i had the entire semester to read it! anyway, even though i procrastinated, i was feeling pretty confident that my cramming abilities last nite and this morning had paid off. halfway into my exam i remembered that it was an accumulative exam as opposed to only covering the last section of the semester. whoops, missed a mere 50% of studying material. not so confident anymore :\

on a happier note, i broke away from my job that i so rarely attend. i felt like it was dishonest on my part to have that job keep me on the schedule because i "could come in from time-to-time" when in reality i NEVER came in. so on Saturday i asked if they could permanently take me off the schedule... sad. i didn't really tell anyone about that and was concerned that my dad would be disappointed that i let a job go.

when i came into my other job on Sunday to study, my boss asked me if i'd like to be promoted. so i start training for that next week. i just thought the timing on those two things were pretty interesting. God is always keeping me guessing.

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Listening to: Lovedrug - Salt Of The Earth

moonlight and magnolias

if you haven't ever made it out to one of the plays at the BoarsHead in Downtown Lansing, I strongly recommend checking out Moonlight and Magnolias. i saw a dress rehearsal tonight and it is a hilarious show about the last-minute screenplay writing of Gone with the Wind. the trio in the play work so well together and you would swear the main character is played by Danny DeVito.

it's not too long of a show, but I would recommend re-watching the movie Gone with the Wind beforehand. that is, if you haven't seen it in the last five years just for a better understanding of what's going on.

anyway, it's showing from December 5 thru December 30 but you can check out the BoarsHead website for more information. just a different thing to do over the mundane movie outing. :)

life update

i have a couple baby kitties again! they're being fostered because they are two little sickies for now. i get to hang onto them for two weeks which is probably way more than adequate time to get better as they have improved so much since yesterday.

they are the most hilarious little things ever. the 6 mos. old one, Mario, is playful, very acrobatic, and outgoing and the other, Duncan, is 3 mos. and is so cuddly but a tad on the shy side. they're always chasing each other around but i have yet to see them actually wrestle with each other since it's pretty much an ongoing game of intimidation.

soooo thankful to have my roommates both here after the Thanksgiving weekend. i missed late nite hangouts.

right now i'm trying to figure out what to do with my summer... i've made some contacts with some shelters and crisis centers in the midwest but am thinking i really want to get away and be completely out of my comfort zone. not sure how i would plan my life without this internet thing :)

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Listening to: Metro Station - California

beets

i only have 5 more days of the whole go-to-class thing this semester... how sweet it is.

i went into the humane society last week and searched high and low to spend some time with leo and lexie. and couldn't find them in their place they were in when i last visited. so i finally went up to the front desk and asked where they were. the lady working the front desk told me that they were adopted out together to an older woman that lost her cat a year ago. it sounds like it's a happy ending for them. the older woman wanted their baby pictures, so that's a good thing. i'm not sure it could have turned out better.

in other news, i've been feeling kinda impatient towards God lately. i really liked the service at church tonite as it was about God's provisions for our lives. also, the music lyrics pushed on a sensitive spot as well. the only thing i wrote down in service was this sentence: "Let your hunger drive you to God."

it's a good reminder, which is why i wrote it down. but i feel like that's what i've been doing this past year. it's frustrating sometimes to let things prevail in God's time and not our own time. i guess i just need more opportunities to be patient.

the first verse we memorized in my sophomore year bible study applies ALL... THE... TIME. i think i need to make little exodus 14:14 post-its and stick them all over my house and car.

...and NOT be moved by you?

i already posted this song before but i just found this skit online and it's amazing.

this sucks

watching my foster kitties wrestle at my place for the last time wasn't sad, carrying them out to the car in their travel carrier wasn't awful, driving them out to the humane society wasn't terrible, and playing with them for the last time wasn't difficult. but handing them over to begin their quest to be adopted and then walking and driving away, was possibly the hardest and most heartbreaking thing i've done in awhile. gosh, this sucks.
whoever gets to enjoy those two for the rest of their kitty lives is lucky. attachment is such a powerful thing.

much like suffocating

i have to take back my babies tomorrow morning. sadness. :(
pray for a loving home for leo & lexie if you are able. thanks

micah 6:8

when i think about the blatantly obvious wrong decisions made by some Christians i know, i begin to engage in a circular battle in my head. at first, i get upset and think seriously? they think that's fine? then i begin to shrug it off and tell myself eh, well, they're in college so it's "okay" for now. they're just trying to have fun.

reading this quote brought me some peace.

"We can't escape all the influences around us; but we can choose what will have the greatest influence on us."

everyone's actions are a result of their own prioritizing. that's what makes being human, human. we screw up--a lot! outwardly, we can blame it on whoever we want, but in our hearts we really know that we consciously chose to go down that path. so i really don't think being in college and needing to be a part of that "scene" makes any difference on how a Christian should live. i don't care if it's your senior year.

we are such a credit card culture... our society pushes us to make our choices depending on what we want at the time (what feels good NOW) and we'll figure out the nitty-gritty stuff later. coincidentally, i just applied for my first credit card today (i swear i'll cut that up). but seriously, what a bizarre concept for our world to embrace: making decisions based on long-term, future consequences.

"growing up" has nothing to do with living a Godly life. it's "maturing up" and it can be done at any age.

double lives are so exhausting! reading the pretty words in the Bible are fun and all, but utterly pointless if you don't strive to parallel it with your actions.

and i write all of this hoping that when what i wrote is in hypocrisy with how i live that i will be called out in a hot second. thanks :)

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Listening to: Dane Cook - Umm, Hello?

oh my

putting off all of my work until the last possible second appeals to me so much more than gradually accomplishing and having fun later. for my last two exams in my 8am class i decided to begin studying cramming for at 4am. i'm not gonna lie, i'm doing alright with that method.

today i had a draft of a paper due that i could have potentially been working on all afternoon, evening, and night yesterday. alas, i decided waking up at 6am today to write my paper would be a better idea. it wasn't until i was on my way to my 3rd class today that i realized the button-up shirt i was wearing was on inside-out... i don't even know. that kinda makes me wish i gave the paper i wrote at 6am a once-over before i turned it in.

i'm going back to bed.

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Listening to: Elton John - Lucy In The Sky With Diamonds

bird

seriously..

everything

He has been so faithful and it has really been tugging at my heartstrings to show that I'm giving everything I am to Him. I'm being baptized on Saturday. as a baby, I wasn't able to dedicate my life to God through baptism and as a 13 year old, I didn't fully comprehend what it meant to affirm my faith and live for Christ through confirmation.

if I was to sit down and write a letter to God today, I like to think it would look like this...



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Listening to: Skillet - Better Than Drugs

jump

sometime after i finished responding to an email from a complete stranger a moment ago, did it set in that i am a very different person that I was a year ago.

I wouldn't be anywhere close to where i am right now spiritually and emotionally if I hadn't taken these plunges in the last year. it all began with deciding to join a bible study with these four completely beautiful women sometime last September.

soon after (without going into any detail) randomly drove 10 hours to hang out in the U.P. with what would become amazing new friends, ended my 4-year relationship for good, randomly camped a spectacular weekend on Lake Michigan with Campus Crusaders I didn't know, flew to Mexico with the church, changed my major for the millionth and final time, and here I am packing my bags to drive the 10 hours to the U.P. for the fourth time this year. I don't know the person I am driving up there with other than that he is a friend of a friend but I'm sure the company will be awesome as everything else that I've trusted into God's hands so far have been.

oh, i'm real excited for this long weekend! words cannot describe how much I love autumn. it will be gorgeous! pictures to come for sure. do me a favor and everyone go buy a gourd this weekend. FACT: the gourd is as enjoyable as a pumpkin, but completely underrated.

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Listening to: The Higher - Weapons Wired

have fun with that

it was sooo good to see a wonderful friend today! we were going to live together this semester but she recently became engaged to my other great friend and theyre living an hour or two away. i miss those two like crazy :) aaand she asked if i'd be a bridesmaid in her wedding! my first non-flower girl role--yes!

completely unrelated but... now i'm pretty discouraged and disappointed. it just sucks that my plans never seem to be congruent with God's. inadequacy feels far too familiar these days.

it's hard letting go of my wants.

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Listening to: Linkin Park - Leave Out All The Rest

carl rogers

i've been thinking a bit on the allocation of my time spent with friends. truthfully, i surround myself with Christian friends 4 out of 7 days per week minimally. i've realized that one of my biggest mistakes in that area is that i will maybe extend an offer to go to church or to a mid-size group to my non-Christian friends but usually give up there and don't ever really go out of my way to dive into their lives.

“In my early professionals years I was asking the question: How can I treat, or cure, or change this person? Now I would phrase the question in this way: How can I provide a relationship which this person may use for his own personal growth?

I have gradually come to one negative conclusion about the good life. It seems to me that the good life is not any fixed state. It is not, in my estimation, a state of virtue, or contentment, or nirvana, or happiness. It is not a condition in which the individual is adjusted or fulfilled or actualized. To use psychological terms, it is not a state of drive-reduction, or tension-reduction, or homeostasis.

The good life is a process, not a state of being.

It is a direction not a destination."

Carl Rogers

Rogers was an amazing Humanitarian and revolutionary psychologist. all of his theories were rooted behind the idea that we are products of our experiences.

it was enlightening to me to think about why and how individuals come to accept new ideas according to Rogers. when we give others an unconditional positive regard (a.k.a. loving on people without limits), they are able to recognize that they are valued for who they are and not their potential to be. through repeated unconditional positive regard, individuals are unconsciously motivated towards self-enhancement and a desire for personal growth and self-understanding. basically, Rogers emphasized during his life that the way to empower people to further their own lives is simply to love on them and provide with positive experiences throughout the relationship.

and the idea that the "good life" isn't something to be attained but is actually a way to live... awesomeamazing.

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Listening to: Half Past Forever - Need

excess tuna oil

in celebration of the Office airing this week, i thought i'd share one of my favorite Office moments. that was one awesome night... loving on some beautiful people, then watching this hilarious TiVo'ed episode.



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Listening to: Michael W. Smith - You Are Holy (Prince Of Peace)

teleological functionalism

since i signed up for a couple classes a few weeks late, i didnt have much of a choice in regard to which ISS class i got into. my ISS class' topic is the study of society... and we get to start off the semester learning about basically my most favorite subject EVER. evolution!! </sarcasm>

today, i was especially intrigued by the idea of teleological functionalism (at an evolutionist standpoint). teleological functionalism, when applied to evolution, is pretty much the epitome of neutrality. the root word "telos" of teleology is Greek for "purpose" or "end." teleological functionalism (which i'm tired of typing) is the idea that things exist solely for their final function. in evolution/religion, T.F. explains that we are here for the purpose of turning to God but the mechanism for how we got here is not by His creation, rather are by completely natural causes. wtf, T.F.?

sometimes, i'm not completely sure why i believe that God was able to create everything out of nothing. well, i'd be fresh out of faith if all the answers were laid out in front of me. for, it is "by faith we understand that the universe was formed at God's command, so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible" (Hebrews 11:3).

side note: i'm starting to explore study abroad options and am pretty sure my heart's weighing heavy for Africa (...maybe Ghana). so if i could get a shout out to the Big Guy on my behalf for direction, that'd be sweet.

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Listening to: Anberlin - Symphony of Blasé

thanks

Beau sent this prayer to me a couple days ago when I was distraught about my major:

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going. I do not see the road ahead of me. I cannot know for certain where it will end. Nor do I really know myself, and the fact that I think I am following Your will does not mean that I am actually doing so. But I believe that the desire to please You does in fact please You. And I hope I have that desire in all that I am doing. I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire. And I know that, if I do this, You will lead me by the right road, though I may know nothing about it. Therefore I will trust You always though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death. I will not fear, for You are ever with me, and You will never leave me to face my perils alone.

--Thomas Merton

first off, there are no words to explain how much Brit and Beau encourage me daily in my walk. i love waking up to Brit's uplifting text messages and voicemails. aside from loving the Word, they remind me constantly of what a pure Christian relationship looks like and serve as my definition of a cord of three strands.

it's so fascinating how God lets us think that we have it all figured out, but in reality, we cannot even fathom the amazing future He's creating for us which is far from the present. for me, the most encouraging part of that prayer is that our desire to please God and follow Him exclusively and in everything we do is enough. enough for Him to mold into something great. Proverbs 3:6 is a promise that God will lead us in the right direction as long as we acknowledge Him. to acknowledge God is to obey Him in every dimension of our lives and desire to make His will for our lives number one priority.

i'm working this prayer into my morning routine as it reminds me that God will give us a single heart in our daily challenges as long as we are living to obtain His perfect and pleasing plans for our lives.

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Listening to: Mae - We're So Far Away

backspace

yeah, so about my last post... fast-forward two weeks. school is kinda depressing. i'm studying for hours and hours on end, yet i still manage to FAIL (and i'm not exaggerating) all my quizzes in calculus. the sad thing is: i feel like i understand the concepts but i'm still getting thrown off by all the crap questions that require you to memorize the definitions of stupid tests and theorems word-for-word. seriously? if i wanted to be a literature or writing major i'd understand.

and my materials class... holy pi, put me out of my misery. so in lecture we're taught about materials, their properties, and various chemicals' melting points, etc. okay, fine. but then we get this crystallography worksheet to finish by the following week. mind you, this is no busy-work ditto, this is the mother of all worksheets and it deals with the craziest geometrical/mathematical questions i have EVER seen, oh and a mere 12 pages of it. what?! we don't even ponder examples of these questions in lecture.

for this worksheet we were put in groups of two and i feel like the biggest slacker/freeloader ever. i'm usually the one getting the most done in groups and spending a lot of my time just irritated that my partner isn't pulling their end of the weight. okay, after talking myself up there... i want to now throw it out there that i am so awful about getting my end of the work done. to be honest, just reading the problem stresses me out because i don't even know how to go about approaching the problem. my partner surely hates me academically. i feel so screwed over in life right now. bah!

i thought God really put it on my heart to pursue math and science since i really like it. correction: used to really like it. not a whole lot of students actually enjoy math and stuff. so since i did, i figured it was an indication that i should be majoring in something related.

during church today, all of my feelings of self-doubt and uncertainty in school were brought to the surface as i had a mini mental breakdown in my head. our world is so broken and is deprived of adequate love in so many places. i feel like what i'm studying right now doesn't help any of it.

when i graduated from high school my mom told me, "i don't care what you decide to major in as long as you're helping people." so i started out in Graphic Design, then when i decided that increasing my development of carpal tunnel wasn't worth the major, i switched to Marketing. then i thought about what mom said and realized i was kinda going in the wrong direction as the vast majority of Marketing is dedicated to convincing consumers to spend their money and time on things they don't need. not really helping anyone there.

alrighty, so i did a job-shadow with my neighbor and decided that i would become a nurse anesthetist. after studying nursing for a year, i became aware that the area's nursing schools have about 800-1000 students applying and except about 20%. some students spend a couple years just getting in! i'm not a patient person and i like to see myself moving to my goals, therefore, decided that i can figure out a major that i'm passionate about and can see myself progressing towards. and that's when i decided on engineering.

i'm not considering a major change (or at least won't admit to it), but i am having second thoughts. i need some good heart-to-hearts. so confused right now. boooo to confusion!

the words "never underestimate my Jesus" are being sung in the background right now. out of the 2,576 songs on my itunes, the shuffle feature lands on this? fantastic. "i throw up my hands, all the impossibilities. frustrated and tired, where do i go from here? now i'm searching for the confidence i've lost so willingly. overcoming these obstacles is overcoming my fears." oh, the irony!

classes

my classes are going wonderful :)

on monday, i was kinda just in shock that i had to do work again. but today, i'm just really excited to be here and in the learning mode.

if you have to deal with me on tuesday and thursday evenings, don't let my british accent throw you. both of my professors on tuesdays and thursdays have british accents and to say the least, that keeps me very much engaged.

cheers!