nickyisms

My roomie Nicky is the funniest depressing person I know. Don't be worried, she thinks she's funny when she says these things... Krissy and I probably don't help when we're doubled-over in tears.
N = Nicky
K = Krissy
S = guess



N: I think I'd be alright if I died right now. I feel like I've accomplished enough for me. Death would be such an easy way out. No more student loans. No paper to write for tomorrow...

K: But then you'd miss hanging out with us all the time!

N: Well, I'll see you up in heaven. I'll be patient, just chillin' on the couch. Actually, I'll probably be at the table... eating. Actually, I'll be so skinny in heaven you probably won't be able to recognize me.

N: Is that sad that I want to die? You want to die too, don't you?

--3 minutes later--

N: Let's go to Europe next summer?! You want to?

K: Yeah, I'm already going!

S: Yeah, I wanna go too! I'll have enough saved up by then.

N: Screw that, I'm taking out student loans.

S: Yeah, then you get to pay it in 10 years.

N: Hopefully, I'll just die the day after I get back from Europe and don't have to worry about that.

N: Let's go to Germany. And just be like, 'Hey Germans. Peace sign, from America.' Then leave when they throw eggs at us.

--10 minutes later--

N: Seriously though, you don't think about how life would be if it just stopped right now? I'm so excited to die it's ridiculous! Heaven sounds much better.

K: Yeah, I don't really want to die.

N: Just take me up like you did Elijah! ...I want a chariot.

K: You don't want a family?!

N: Screw that. Kids scream. I was at church today and there were kids crying. My dad's like, 'Shhhh...' ITS A BABY, get your baby out of church. I can't stand kids--I really can't.

K: I want to have a bunch of kids.

N: Ugh, gross. If I have them, it will be accidental.

--2 minutes later--

N: Seriously, if we all went to heaven together it would be way more fun! Then I could donate all my organs and I'd save at least five lives of people that are probably really smart. Someone could have my heart, another my kidneys... my skin.

S: They can't take your skin!

N: Yes they can! It's called skin grafting. It's on the back of my driver's license. I'm not trying to creep you guys out, I just don't want to go to work. I need coffee.

K: Let's go shopping right now.

N: I can't, I have 15 more minutes before my cupcakes come out of the oven. See? Life sucks. I can't go shopping.

K: Let's just plan our Euro trip.

--15 minutes later (with laptops)--

N: This might be racist, but I don't really want to travel to any Middle Eastern countries.

S: Really? I really want to go to the United Arab Emirates.

N: I'll Google that.

N: Dubai? It's a fricken crop circle in the middle of the ocean.

N: Oh look! It's Finland, the land where I'm from!