Thursday, May 28, 2009

two days

Staring at me in my room is one sad, half-packed suitcase. It still hasn't hit me yet that I'm going to be living in Nigeria for the summer. I don't think it's going to hit me until I've been living over there for a couple of weeks. Every once in awhile my body is overwhelmed and consumed by an immense sadness... I'm filled with questions like... what am I doing?? No, honestly... what in the world? I have a loving family, awesome friends, an amazing relationship, and I'm... leaving? Really? Are You sure?

With every tear I remind myself of and cling to God's promises that He'll see me through this trip and do incredible things through Back2Back this summer. I'm not fearful, I just don't want to leave anyone behind. I am constantly told a lie that being around is going to protect my loved ones, and the reality is that it's not. One of my goals and reasons for being on this trip is to deepen the trust in God's provision and protection. He knows what He's doing. Always. It's difficult to flip on the news and listen to the latest bombing in the Middle East, or to stomach the reality of 143 million orphans in the world. But God is in control, and has never lost control. "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose," Romans 8:28. I don't know how, but God does--and I'm trying to find peace in the not knowing.

"I the Lord do not change," Malachi 3:6. The same God that parted the Red Sea for Moses, allowed Joshua to crush Jericho, and fed 5,000 hungry mouths with two fish and some bread is the exact same God that is going to hear and respond to both our smallest and greatest prayers today.